Insightful Hyprocrisy

The insight of hypocrisy is where my realization comes to light. Being around in the prison of my own mind and it becomes abundantly excruciating to separate the good and the not so really good. I'm set on a regimen of excluding anything that can possibly release confined anticipation of not getting better. With open arms but squeamish restrain I'm awaiting what I feel is inevitable. It's not even midnight. The heavy shadow latches onto me even at night. There are no walls, no locked doors but I'm trapped in the unanswered failure of exhausted effort. The relief of relapse is no longer an escape of what is now. My mind fills senseless thoughts and I want to try. I want to breathe. I want to enjoy. It is only nine in the evening and I had two cigarettes. Another day, another stupid "Ok."